The Ramblings and Wanderings

Posts Tagged ‘shamanism’

This question has come to me either through email, PM, Facebook or on the forum so I thought it was time for a quick post.

How do I train in Hedgewitchery? How does one learn Hedgewitchery?

As Hedgewitchery is such a personal Path it is hard to tell someone how to find formal training. After all everyone is going to practice somewhat differently.

First, you might be lucky enough to find a teacher or another Hedgewitch to train and/or practice with. Of course we are all, always, students. For example I can only teach what I know, share what I have experienced and explain the mistakes I have made. My personal tailoring of Hedgewitchery may not be exactly what you are looking for either, just as if I met another Hedgewitch who has more experienced than I, there might be much of her Path that does not resonate with me. Some Hedgewitches are more interested in herbalism and botany, while I am more interested in animal healing and animal husbandry than others. Quite the conundrum eh?

This is one reason why I set up the website and forum, so folks can share what they have learned, what they are experimenting with, as well as what they are hoping to learn. So we can all help each other along the way. You can join the forum (The Wild Geek Hang) at my website and there are a few yahoo groups and such kicking around as well.

Well of course if you are lucky enough to meet another Hedgewitch or someone who follows a similar Path then you can learn a great deal from each other.

There are books than you can read. Some are better than others of course. Some may be more or less along the lines of what you are looking for. There are some great recommended reading lists on the Hedge that myself and others have posted, go to the “A Witch’s Studies” section and then into the “Reading Lists and Recommendations” category.

You don’t have to go to another Hedgewitch to study hedgewitchery. This may sound a little odd but hear me out. Hedgewitchery is a jack-of-many-trades Path, the main ones being: Some type of shamanism or seership, some form of healing, working with Nature in some way and folk magick. So decide which types of these subjects interest you and study them. For example you could take shamanism workshops or study under a seer or sied worker. You could take a course on herbalism or reiki; I am going back to school to study to be a Vet Tech (not only as a career path but also as part of my hedgewitchery).

It also doesn’t hurt to study other forms of Witchcraft and Paganism. You can learn a lot from a Wicca 101 course, or taking a course through a Druid organization. Many Hedgewitches study the Feri Tradition, Faery Seership or heathen traditions such as Asatru.

Don’t forget to read/study up on wise woman, cunning folk, conjure practitioners and folk healers throughout history. Also mythology and any other subjects that interest you and you wish to incorporate into your Path.

How else it this Path learned? From your spirits of course. One place all Walkers Between Worlds gain knowledge from are the gods, ancestors and other spiritual helpers and guides they meet along the way and build a relationship with.

“The shaman knows that the soul’s urge toward beauty is not about perfect symmetry and mainstream approval. It is not about opening doors in business, or snagging the right mate, or fitting in at the A-list parties. The shaman knows that beauty is about opening doors to joy, snagging the moment, and fitting into your own life. She knows beauty is not something to buy. It is a path, a way of living and being in the world. The only path and the only way, if you want to keep dancing and singing.” ~ Robin Rice

It is perfectly normal to have difficulty learning to enter into trance states and to cross the Hedge. Thanks to certain authors, self help gurus and the like there is a belief that everything should be relatively easy or at least achievable after a couple of tries. The fact of the mater is that training one self to enter into trance states, or altered states of consciousness is not easy for most people. Hedge crossing (being the step you achieve after learning to enter trance states) is even more difficult. It’s supposed to be strenuous. There are reasons why shamanic practitioners are, and always have been, few and far between and are well respected (and a little bit feared) members of their communities.

It takes a minimum of twelve, but better twenty four, repetitions to create a new habit. So if you were to practice entering a trance state via drumming every full moon it could take you at least a year, and maybe two, to just begin to train your mind, body and spirit slip through the Hedge at the sound of your drum. This is just to start the new habit; you then have to follow through in order to maintain it.

Hedge crossing often, if not always, requires pushing past boundaries. Not just the boundaries of your own mind or the boundaries of this world, but the boundaries of what you think you can do. How long can you sit and chant for? How long can you dance? Can you keep drumming even when your arm is sore and hurting from the drumming? Can you perform ritual after three days of fasting?

The other night I performed a night ritual with a friend, introducing her to working with flying ointments. To begin she ate little that day and mostly healthy foods such as avocado, crackers and apple juice. We began the ritual around 9pm, at sundown purifying each other in the river, going through invocations, creating a boundary around our ritual space, and making offerings. Then I performed a short crossing myself seeking any last minute suggestions from my spirits.

Finally as we neared midnight I allowed her to coat herself with the ointment I had prepared. I had her do yoga for about half an hour. Then breathing exercises and swaying combined with chanting. Then I got her to plough the furrow (or Compass Round), dragging her feet and clapping her hands (or slapping her thighs). She did this through a hawthorn grove, being pricked by thorns that lay on the ground. I had her plough the furrow for quite some time, dragging her feet harder and harder, pushing against the tides. When she began to get out of breath … I made her chant out loud. I asked if she was tired and she nodded, so I had her keep going a little longer. Then, when it began to look as though she might rebel against my abuse, I helped her wrap herself up in a blanket against a hawthorn tree and attempt to cross.

She stayed there for about three hours. Her experiences are her own.

(All you people who write me saying you’d love to learn from me still wanna be my apprentice after reading that?)

This is how you cross the Hedge. Hedge riding is hardcore witchcraft and by that I don’t mean “hardcore” as in “cool” I mean it as in “hard right down to the very core”.

Here is a Hedge crossing checklist (in an undetermined order):

* What is your goal? What is it you want to achieve? Why? What is your motivation for crossing and what do you want to gain from it? Until you know what you want to do and why, everything else will not fall into place. Be clear, do your research. Have intent.

* Do you know where you wish to go? Many people report that they want to cross but do not know where they wish to go. They do not know for sure if they want to astral travel within the Middle world, if they wish to journey to the Underworld etc etc

You need to know if you wish to cross within your body, going deep within to converse with spirits and gods and ancestors. Or do you wish to leave your body behind and take your spirit for a flight else where, even if only within the confines of your ritual space?

Until you have a clear idea of where you want your spirit to go, how can it go? This is like walking out your door without knowing where you want to go or how to get there.

“Intent is not a thought, or an object, or a wish. Intent is what can make a man succeed when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated. It operates in spite of the warrior’s indulgence. Intent is what makes him invulnerable. Intent is what sends a shaman through a wall, through space, to infinity.” ~ Carlos Castaneda

* Study and research. It’s a good idea if you are going to cross to the Underworld that you have some idea of what you might find there. It’s easy to get lost while wandering around on the otherside and to find things that are strange, even scary. Study up on ancient and modern cultures mythologies and understandings of what lies beyond the Hedge.

* Find your safe entrance. Creating or finding a safe place that acts as your entrance and exit for crossing can not only help you make that “jump” across but it can also help provide you with a way to get the heck out if things go wrong.

Basing your visualization on something meaningful to you, or something with cultural significance will work better than just trying something from a book as well. Take the time to really build up your visualization, give it character, make it yours long before you even attempt to go through that hobbit door.

Also don’t try a million different entrances. If a cave doesn’t work for you the first two times don’t try a hedge the next time, then a tree the time after that, and then mountain after that. Giving something a fair try means doing more than just three or four times. If something isn’t working try variations before you scrap it entirely.

* Practice, practice, practice. You need to train yourself to slip into altered states and then across the Hedge. Once you’ve been doing it for a while (possibly years) you will find it easier to make that transition and be able to cross, do your thing and come back all under an hour. But even someone who is experienced will struggle at times. If they are out of practice it may take time to get back to where it is less difficult. I don’t think it ever gets “easy” it simply gets less difficult and requires less effort over time.

* Know yourself. Become comfortable with yourself. Face your demons. Love yourself. You do not want to be in a drug induced Journey and then be forced to face an aspect of yourself or your life that you were unprepared for. When walking between the worlds you cannot wear masks, you cannot be in denial of who you are and the things you have done. Break down your inner barriers before you try to break through the barriers of the unseen. Going to therapy now to deal with your issues is better than going to therapy and a shaman later to deal with your issues and the trauma of having to face them in the Underworld.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi

* Check your ego at the door. Waltzing out of your body or into the realms of gods, spirits and ancestors full or pride and with your hand out like some spoiled child will get you slapped down. Pretending the gods, spirits and ancestors are not greater or more knowledgeable or are less powerful than you are will not keep your safe from them on the otherside. Folks often like to think the gods (etc) are not bigger and badder than they are because the thought that they might be makes them uncomfortable, prepare to be very uncomfortable. People who say that they are equal to the gods or ancestors obviously haven’t met them in their own territory.

There’s a fantasy novel I adore wherein the main character who has had run ins with the gods before comes across a bunch of pilgrims. One of the pilgrims is going on and on about how she would love to meet the goddess face to face and all the things she would say. The main character thinks to herself “yeah right, if you found yourself in Her presence you’d be face first on the floor pissing yourself”

* If you want to start Hedge crossing on a regular basis I suggest you spend a little time studying things like Shamanic Death before they happen to you unexpectedly.

* Are you really, REALLY, called or do you just want to be a shaman? Do you know what the difference is? I am not saying you should not add shamanic practices to your spiritual path if you are not called to shamanize, but I am suggesting you be honest with yourself about whether you really have been called or not.

* Chant out loud, not just in your head. Repetition is only part of the purpose of chanting, using your voice and your breath is also necessary to make it worth your while. Vibration, breath, voice, repetition, intent, focus, energy and consciousness raising … these are what chanting is about.

* Ritual before a crossing matters, especially when you are first starting out. Think of it this way: First you enter into a ritual mindset, then into an altered state, and then you cross. X, Y, Z. There are good reasons why shamans around the world do certain things a certain way, wearing a specific costume, fasting, drumming, lighting candles, making offerings and so forth. Yes, part of the reason for these things may simply be for show (nothing like the placebo effect to help you along a bit right?) but the main purpose for these ritualistic actions is to prepare the mind, body and soul.

* Stick to it. It’s hard to stick to a single visualization or one chant or one drumming rhythm in a single ritual. But the idea here is to train your self like Pavlov’s dogs. Changing chants and such mid rite is like switching gears in your brain. Experienced practitioners have worked with one rhythm, one herb, one chant or one visualization until they know exactly how it affects them and what it does for them, and then they work with something else for a while, adding to their repertoire. Then they can “switch gears” according to their needs.

* It can take a while to learn what an altered state feels like for you, how to hold on to it and what to do from there. This is why the things listed above are so important.

* Flying ointments are like the usher in a posh theatre. Their purpose is to hold the door for you and help you find your seat. However you still have to buy the tickets, get to the theatre, walk through the door, watch the show and find your way back up the aisle afterwards. They can only do so much for you, they make your work easier but you still have to do the work.

Full on entheogens and hallucinogens, such as a good sized dose of datura, work a little differently than a flying ointment of mugwort or wormwood. These will grab you by the throat, drag you into the theatre, shove you into a seat and you don’t even get to choose what play you watch before being ejected face first out the door at its end.

* Expect it to be unpleasant. Many people give up once they start to feel seasick, dizzy, or uncomfortable. Altered states and Hedge crossing can be disorienting and feel very strange and be rather unpleasant. When working with tools such as ointments, tinctures, and smoke (to name a few) your body may be unhappy. Drumming, swaying, rattling and many meditative postures can give you sore muscles. You’re supposed to puke during a sweat lodge, a Sundance is really quite painful, and most entheogens make you sick and you can get lost wandering around on the otherside and fuck yourself up. Hedge crossing is for the stalwart souls willing to deal with a little discomfort and for those willing to risk going crazy as well.

* What is your goal? What is it you want to achieve? Why? What is your motivation for crossing and what do you want to gain from it? Until you know what you want to do and why, everything else will not fall into place. Be clear, do your research. Have intent. (Yes this is a repeat)

* If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.

* Yes, for some people this all comes naturally. Those folks are rare, don’t be sad if you aren’t one of them.

* Check out these articles and the books they suggest (if any) also read using your brain and critical thinking skills.

http://witchofforestgrove.com/2010/06/18/walking-between-worlds/

http://witchofforestgrove.com/2010/04/14/shapeshifting/

http://www.sacred-texts.com/sha/sis/index.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/earth/boe/boe16.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/sha/anim/index.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/poe/poe03.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/sce/index.htm

http://www.adf.org/articles/cosmology/otherworld.html

http://www.sacred-texts.com/pag/wcwe/wcweapp5.htm

http://bitterwitchx.livejournal.com/3982.html

* Check out these books (click here)

“Observe the wonders as they occur around you.

Don’t claim them.

Feel the artistry moving through, and be silent.” ~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi

(And yes I know a Sufi poet and a Shaman are two different things, but you can never have too much Rumi)

Related Post: Risk vs Reward

There are two methods I use for casting my collection: formal and informal.

The formal method means going through a whole ritual process. This is done for more important readings and when I juts plain old have more time.

The basics of this involve all the usual suspects such as lighting a candle and incense, meditating for a while before hand and all that good stuff.

Usually a spirit house or two will be brought out, such as one of my decorative skulls for the ancestors, a fetish or figurine for familiar spirits, a deity idol and so forth. Full invocations are spoken, along with knocking on the ground before me to call them.

The area around me is blessed. This is not a Circle casting or even any kind of making sacred space. It is recognition of the inherent specialness of wherever I’m at, as well as giving a blessing and some love to the genus loci and to the area around me. This involves saying a few words, kissing my hand and then placing that kiss in the different directions around me; before me, to the right, behind me, to the left, above and then below.

*

The informal method involves a quick meditation, knocking once to call my spirits and giving the spirit house (quartz skull bead) that hangs on my bag a kiss.

*

I should mention I always cast while sitting on the ground and place my casting cloth on the ground. This is a common thread I’ve noticed in my studies of aboriginal bone (and bits) casters, especially in Africa. I think it is partly an energetic thing, partly a traditional thing and party practical; its sucks to have things fall off a table and roll away under your chair.

My casting cloth is laid out according to the directions, so the area that represent north points north (of course). I usually try to sit at the south and face north but sometime space is limited and it doesn’t always work out that way. Being from the Northern hemisphere and a northern country north means up and south means down!

I run my fingers through the collection in the bag and gently “wake them up” then gather them in one hand. Normally I use all the pieces in the collection but sometimes only a few are chosen, especially if I am seeking something more along the lines of “yes” or “no” answers.

With the bag empty I set it between my knees and make sure the skull bead is sitting facing the proceedings.

I then hold the collection in both hands up to my lips and whisper to them. Then I shake them up a bit in my hands.

I hold them over the centre of the cloth, trying to choose just the right height. Too low and they don’t cast well landing in one large lump, too high and they scatter all over the place.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and “listen” … when the time is just right I drop them on to the cloth.

The first thing I do is take a look at the over all spread as a whole. Then I take note of anything that has decided to lay outside the casting cloth. Then I look at groupings, pairings and singles. Working from the south to west to north to east but sometimes going by which quarter has the most or least bits in it. I also work from the outside in and the centre out. Then having all the details, I take a “step back” and look at the whole picture.

*

A LOT depends upon context!!!

The closer to the centre a bits is the more immediate and important it is.

Things outside the cloth or the main circle are either not involved, on the way out, or on the way in.

Items in the North represent things in the physical realm, the body, health, solidarity, that which changes slowly, the Earth and the Land.

Items in the East represent things that are on the mind and in thoughts, things that must be thought about, things that are related to study and learning, the intellect, sudden or quick change that maybe unpredictable, Sky and Air.

Items in the South represent passions, that which fuels us/the situation, driving forces, temper, lust, sexuality, infatuation, the love of new change that burns bright and then wanes, the Sun and Fire.

Items in the West represent emotions, feeling, undercurrents, going with the flow, may mean stormy seas or clear sailing or the transition from one to the other, gradual change, The Moon and Water.

Items in the Centre are the heart of the matter, the foundation upon which everything else stands or is built upon, the most important issues and influences, the very core of the issue/answer/the client.

The direction things are “pointing” matters.

Each object in the bag has its own story and correspondences based on how I found the piece, what it is, its colour, where it came from, magickal meanings, folk lore, and what it means to me.

*

Here is a sketch and a photograph of the casting I did for my recent birthday. I find drawing the casting helps me remember it, helps me to slowly work through the reading and the drawings looks nice in my Book. It also means I can go back and review previous castings and if I lack time to properly read a casting I can go back to it to a certain extent. I don’t always draw them but often I do. Click on the sketch for full size.

I won’t give you the full reading, they can be lengthy and this one is somewhat personal, but I will tell a little bit about it. You can assume that each part of the reading has more to it than I’m telling you *wink*

For this casting I sat in the west facing east due to the layout of my living room and not wanting to move furniture.

I’m a little concerned that there’s nothing in the south. No passion? No sex? No fires to fuel me? That’s rather odd for a woman often referred to as a firebrand!

Acorn and Clear Quartz moved well outside the cloth, in fact Acorn tried to roll away even further and I had to catch it. Hmmmmmmmmm … why is masculine virility and clarity trying to run away from me?

Jingle Bell and Tiger Eye are on the cloth but outside the circle. Both seem to be moving away from East and South and heading off of the cloth. Creativity and education are leaving intellect and passion behind and heading out the door! Yikes!

Crystal Turtle and Herbivore Tooth are paired together and are just outside the circle, at the border of south and west. They are facing towards south. Perhaps I need to stop and think before I speak and step outside of my emotions and the look upon things with dispassion. Slow down my passionate and emotional speech.

Ivy and Bloodstone are hanging out together just outside east. Even Bren noticed how from my vantage point, the two combined looked rather like a horned god symbol. Also interesting to note that the (green) Bloodstone is used to symbolize such things as blood, circulation, Earth, physicality, the body, dirt/soil, Mother Earth, the land, land/earth deities and spirits. While Ivy is spiral path, as without so within, as within so without, encompassing, surrounding, support. Ah look … they made a shape that is a symbol for my patron and even made a metaphor for our relationship, and there He sits at the “top” of the casting, in Air/Intellect, watching the proceedings.

The Goddess charm hangs out reversed and alone in the west but looking towards the centre. Another metaphor for my relationship with goddesses, or maybe just saying I won’t become a momma this year?

Also alone and reversed is the sea shell. Resting in the east but moving towards south. I know that my connection with water is changing and as I am now in the city, I am more passionate about my connection with water. Ottawa has many water courses running through it, most of its green spaces border these waters and I find my strongest connection with the Land in these bodies of water here. I need to learn more about these waters.

The Coin with a Hole in it rests in the west near the centre and the Coin (with no hole) borders north and east and also rests near the centre but closer to the centre than the Holed Coin. Ah, so concerns about the lack of funds shall be in my emotional future (big surprise there), but there should be enough to get by (and maybe a little more than that).

Antique Ring and Black Stone with Silver Stripe are paired at the edge of south and west. Somehow I take this to mean this old city (Ottawa) and how I will grow to love it.

The Petrified Wood, Deer Fur and the Matches are hanging out together along the border of north and west. Perhaps it’s telling me that working with animals has some emotional and real risk right now? Troubling since working with animals (both with animals in this world and with spirit animals) is a very important part of my practice, even a part of my identity.

There’s two large grouping in the north, which are partially connected to each other. They speak to me of working with arts and crafts and of practical magick, they speak to me of the kind of magick Hawthorn symbolizes, unlocking mysteries, Lunar and feminine magick, goddesses, purification, witchcraft, seeking and hunting. And they all group together in the north, in the physical realm, the “real world”, the actual, the down to earth, toes in the mud realm. I find myself thinking of not just my own usual practice of hedge and hearth witcheries but also of friends I am making and groups I am coming into contact with or am now a part of.

Looking at the two groupings in the east, Brendan said to me that I will finish my book this year. I had to agree it certainly looks that way. Here in the realm of knowledge, education, intellect and Air I find the silver branch, spirituality, protection, the world tree, change, commitment, what lies at the heart of the matter and within my own heart, journeys and love. I also find myself thinking of a (university Master’s Level) class in ritual I will be taking this year, put on by an Elder I know from back home, something I expect to be difficult yet very rewarding

Whew! Well folks it’s two in the morning and I need to head off to bed, so I’m stopping here.

Cheers!

A first(ish) draft of the introduction to the chapter on etheogens and hallucinogens in that book I’ll never finish writing.

“Blind as a bat, mad as a hatter, red as a beet, hot as hell, dry as a bone, the bowel and bladder lose their tone, and the heart runs alone.” ~ A teaching mnemonic device about the effects of Datura stramonium

Like many young and inexperienced Witches I had a craving for a deep, mystical and powerful spiritual experience, similar to the tales I had heard the Elders in my community share. I wanted something akin to the tall-tales the other young Witches and Pagans told each other when not within earshot of the Elders. I wanted something special, something that would make me special, some great nugget of lore or wisdom that would impress people. I was envious… and a little bored.

My first attempt at working with flying ointment had been something of a disappointment to me, yet also a temptation. Being careful and cautious as I was advised, I had made a very simple and weak blend. Then I rubbed it on a few pulse points before stretching out on a blanket in my living room and trying out a few different breathing exercises. I had a minor visionary experience but not the mind blowing, enlightening Journey across the Hedge that would allow me to “wink wink” with other practitioners who had. However, it was enough to give me a taste of what might be. I felt like a starving man being offered only a single slice of bread. I wanted more.

As a teenager, I had experimented a great deal with hallucinogens. LSD and mushrooms were easier to get my hands on than alcohol or cigarettes in high school. With that experience, I thought I knew what I was doing.

I made a new batch of flying ointment: stronger, better, faster. It was a combination of lard, a small amount of mugwort  and a large dose of datura. I had done a little cursory researching on the ingredients and the making of ointment. I impatiently waited for the next full Moon, took a few days off work, and prayed for good weather.

I fasted on the day of my planned rite and buzzed around the house and my four acre wooded property with nervous energy, full of anticipation. I choose a spot some twenty yards from my home in a clearing surrounded by birches and spruce. There I laid out my blanket and set up my altar. As the Sun went down I began my ritual, calling upon gods, ancestors and the spirit guides known to me at the time: Owl and Crow. I slathered myself with the stuff, rubbed a dollop upon my tongue, and spread out naked upon my blanket.

I lay scattered in the abyss

Surrounded by a bleak

And terrifying nothingness

The creatures I had trusted

Who naively I had followed

Have torn me apart

And left me in a mess

The shock and horror

Their betrayal

The pain of my dismemberment

Fills my being and all that I am

And then suddenly is forgotten

As I begin to contemplate the blackness

And the fact that though torn asunder

I am still capable of self and thought

I realize that in these pieces

I cannot be more than self and thought

The fear that I will never leave this place

Begins to fill the emptiness around me

I cry out and then I hear myself begging

For release, for a way out of here

A dark figure beyond the black looms

Large and twisting with antlers adorning

He offers me a deal…

A short while later I am slammed back into my body screaming like a newborn babe. I twist and writhe upon my blanket, clutching at it, face down at first but eventually I flounder my way upon my back. My blurred vision clears somewhat and I stare about in gasping horror. The white birches have become finger bones with strips of flesh clinging to them; the spruces loom darkly above menacingly. The Moon and stars in the sky above wheel and spin dizzyingly.

My dogs locked in their run have heard my screaming and now bark and whine, the sound echoing in my ears and my head, making me clutch my ears in pain and fear. They sound as if a pack of coyotes or hyenas are scrabbling at the fence, trying to get through to rend and tear at my flesh, just as my spirits had done to me in That Other Place. Amongst the chaos, noise, and terror, a single thought blooms in my mind and gives me focus: Get this stuff off of me!

Sobbing now I begin to frantically rub the blanket against my skin, trying desperately to remove the offending ointment. The nasty, greasy stuff does not come off easily. It seems to cling to my body, and I weep and whimper at the irrational fear that I would take my skin off with it.

I catch a glimpse of light, streaming from the kitchen window of my home. Somehow I stumble to my feet, but then the ground rushes up at me and slams into my face. Pain explodes through my consciousness. As adrenaline floods my body, I am awarded a moment of clarity and take it, picking myself up and moving as fast I dare towards my home. By the time I reach the front steps I am crawling again, unable to stop the world from shifting beneath me. It seems to take forever to climb the six steps up the front door and my hand passes through the doorknob three times before I can grasp it to open it.

Clinging to counter and walls I shoo my dogs away, which I see as in the house barking and lunging at me, though in fact they were still outside in their run. Somehow I make it into the bathroom and grab at the faucet like a drowning woman reaching for a life preserver. I am afraid to turn on the hot faucet, paranoid I might burn myself so I turn on the cold shower and climb in, coating myself with shampoo and soap as I try to remove the ointment from my body.

I walked with one foot in each world for three days. I did not return to work for nearly two weeks. My life has never been the same since.

Today you can find flying ointment recipes on websites and in forums, even in books written by authors whose works are aimed mostly at teenagers. People call themselves Hedgewitches with no concept of what the word really means. They mistake it for a solitary Wiccan or a domestic Witch messing about with herbs in her kitchen. They look for flying ointment recipes, and tips on how to smoke salvia divinorum, seeking that short cut to a special mystical experience which they think they deserve. In this culture of instant gratification, the masses no longer want to do the work. They do not feel the need to earn their stripes. They want what they want, and they want it now. Meditation and trance inducing techniques are boring and require patience, time and discipline. Would it not be easier to simply drink a tea, slather some ointment or smoke an herb instead?

Many of the folks seek these recipes and tips from complete strangers on the Internet. Paradoxically, many also ask for only “safe” recipes, and don’t want to risk something bad happening to them. Too many people think they can safely dabble with such tools and techniques, based on the advice of an anonymous “friend” on a forum and expect to receive the Mysteries this way.

You don’t take flying ointment, entheogens or hallucinogens hoping that you will have a grand experience and that nothing negative might happen. If you should choose to work with them, then you must be willing to risk a bad experience. There is always a risk of danger and trauma when you work with such substances, no matter how careful you are and how well you do your research you cannot fully eliminate that risk. If you are not willing to accept that risk, then you stand a very good chance of being traumatized, hospitalized, or forced to face something you may not truly be ready for.

If you are not prepared to accept the risk, then do not use these techniques and tools. If you are seeking a shortcut to enlightenment, insight or the Mysteries then you are a fool indeed.

Prayer/meditation shawls are worn in many faiths, you may have heard of Christian women making them for people who are down on their luck, or seen Jews wearing them while in mourning. Buddhists and Hindus wear them as well. You find something similar to these all over the world and in history.

I’ve wanted to make one for myself for years now. The idea was to make something I could wrap myself in during ritual, mediation, spell work and most importantly, shamanic work.

Cloaks and robes are fun and all. I like them, I like the feeling of wearing them, the idea of dressing like the ancestors I honour. I like having ritual or magickal garb. But still, they feel something like playing dress up to me. I like to wear them at a ritual with others, I find they encourage me to get up and dance and clap and chant. Depending on which ones I wear they can help me feel more light hearted or elegant or sorcererous.

However, robes and cloaks don’t help me enter into trance states, they don’t whisper of the otherside to me. They don’t make me feel like a shaman or Hedgewitch. They are also not very practical. It’s silly to throw on a ritual robe to make incense.

I find most Pagan-y ritual garb to not be very comfortable to tromp through the woods in, climb a tree, and sit in it all night in trance. I have a cloak that is soft, warm and light, like a blanket. But it is also volumous and long and deep hooded. This is great in full-on pagan ritual, snuggling before the fire at fest and such. Yet it just doesn’t quite work when I’m tromping around an alpine meadow digging up St. John’s wort.

One thing that has found its way into my spiritual wardrobe is head coverings, such as scarves and hats and headbands. They make me feel more priestess-like. They also act as an important reminder for me. You see, my hair is perhaps my best feature, my greatest source of beauty and physical pride. It’s soft, curly, long and usually dyed some shade of red, bright red. My hair is very attractive and also does a damned good job of making limp haired women jealous. Covering it in rituals, rite, and workings reminds me that the Craft and Spirituality I practice is not about my ego, nor is it about impressing other people.

Shamanic practitioners often have costumes, something they wear only when doing specific practices. Such as otherworld work, healings, or calling on specific spirits and energies. I decided a couple of years ago that what I wanted as a major part of my shamanic costume was something I could wrap around myself, a prayer shawl. Combined with my favourite head covering that hides most of my hair and part of my face, I feel this is (a pretty good start) for a (journeywoman?) Hedgewitch.

As I said, this is something I’ve been wanting for years. Yet, I have been putting it off. I wasn’t ready to embrace what I wanted my prayer shawl to be, wasn’t ready to make it and wear it in front of people. I knew in my heart what I wanted, but it took time to come to terms with it.

I’m sure many of you when thinking “shamanic prayer shawl” are picturing something very natural, organic. Something made of homespun cotton, linen or even leather. After all do we not teach that natural fibres are best? Of course we do, because they are! Being a very Nature-based practitioner, someone who has a bit of a reputation as a Witch who prefers to live hermit-like out in the woods somewhere, you’d think any prayer shawl I made would be %100 organic, all natural and brown … maybe green. Probably fibres made from wool I got off a sheep I raised myself, right?

Wrong.

I tried to want something all natural and beige. I even spent part of last summer making friends with a fibre artist and Quaker lady who lived near me. I tried very hard to want my shawl to be natural fibres and hairs, hand dyed, home spun, with leather and bone embellishments. I just couldn’t. So I kept putting it off and putting it off.

Let me get back to my ritual robes for a moment. I have two. One is made of pale green linen strips woven together, complete with frayed ends. It looks very “Witch who lives in a hut in the woods”-ish. It’s loose and comfortable and witch-y.

The other is altogether different, that’s my “temple robe”. The bottom layer is of expensive, midnight black princess satin, the top layer of high quality black cotton eyelet material. The bloody thing cost me over a hundred dollars to make. Yup, that’s right. Oh, and did I mention the neck-line that plunges almost to my belly button? It’s sexy, sultry, magickal, dangerous, ceremonial and dark, dark, dark. For the kind of woman who spends most of her time in whatever is good for the garden and bought at a thrift store, it is a very special treat. I am not the kind of woman who gets taken out to the opera, if you know what I mean. This robe is not about showing of my cleavage but creating a frame of mind totally different from the nature-y and green robe.

My cloaks tell a similar story, one is a light and soft green plaid flannel, the other is purple velvet.

Nature Witch vs Temple Witch, if you will. Summer and Winter.

I didn’t want my prayer shawl to be either, not homespun linen nor slippery satin. Not meant to help me enter into a different facet of my personality or slip into a certain kind of Witch-y or Pagan-y archetype. No, this shawl is meant to be ME. Just me. It will speak to the people who see it and they can make their own judgements, they will. But I find when I slip through the Hedge and walk the roads less travelled I am in some fundamental way laid bare. Stripped of masks and trappings and totally myself. It is not safe to hold onto illusions of who you are when dealing with the unseen and otherworldly.

It takes courage to go against the grain. To break stereotypes and to do not as what will be accepted by others but to do what is best for you, then to wear it on your back for all to see. I`ve been teased, mocked and downright insulted before for not doing it “right`in the eyes of my fellow Pagans and Witches. It might seem that going against the grain is easy for me, but its not. It can be quite painful in fact. It’s not easy being a misfit Witch, an outsider even among outsiders. Some days I grow weary of it, heart achingly weary, and oh so terribly lonely.

Part of me wanted to make the expected shawl. Something I could show to people and they would nod their heads and say “Yup, that’s a nice shamanic costume you’ve got there”.

However, I’m committed to making it the way that suits me best.

My shawl will be made of 60% wool and 40% acrylic inexpensive slightly fuzzy yarn. It will be ratty looking and full of holes. Haphazardly crocheted like an oversized, insane doily. It will have fringe and tassels and random threads hanging off of it. Beads, bells and gods know what else will dangle from it, making me jingle. It will be roughly rectangular but not perfectly so. It will be in a riot of colours, many of which will clash. Already it is shades of blue, green, purple and orange.

And it sparkles, that’s right, sparkly and shiny.

And it will be mine, and I will wear it with pride.

I am asleep.

I am asleep and have delved into some deep abyss of dreaming far beyond the physical enclosure that is my body.

I dream and know I am dreaming. I glide through a realm of black and blue, soft and delicate as silk, sheer like fine muslin. I dance in the glory of the dreamscape.

Then, a gradual awareness begins to tug at me. I feel my body calling me back to awakening. The most simple and basic need driving me out of my sweet surrender to dreaming: the need to pee.

I float in a spiral pattern upwards and out of the dreamscape towards the light of the morning sun.

I awake and sit, then clamber out of bed, and reach for clothing left out the night before. I find I cannot put it on and I perceive everything is still soft and shrouded in the wrong kind of pale light.

I am still asleep, dreaming of being awake.

I decide to try again to wake.

Again I find myself dreaming of waking, this time stumbling to the bathroom naked. I realise the falseness of my wakefulness as I reach for the bathroom doorknob.

I decide to try again to wake.

I sit up in my bed, and now wary of dreaming of being awake, I quickly realise my still dreaming state.

I loose my patience and attempt to force my body to wake with a wrench and a twist.

I find myself rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. There is a different feel to this than dreaming, more real and physical. Yet, it is still not quite right. I rub my hands against the mattress, attempting to ascertain my level of consciousness. I can feel as well as any waking moment the mattress beneath my hands, the seam at its very edge.

The edges of my sight are slightly blurred, my body not as responsive as it should be. I can fully perceive the mattress and its seam though I know my head is not turned to view it. That is not quite right.

I pause for a moment of frustration.

Through experience, I know what to do. I force my self to look at my right upper arm. There I see no tattoo of black thorns adorning it. I reach for my ears and feel no hoops piercing them.

I know what this is.

I twist my astral body around on the bed and gaze at my physical body curled up, under the covers, her back to me. I cannot see it but I can feel the thin lifeline that ties us to each other.

I am not sure if an astral body can sigh in annoyance, but mine tries anyways.

I have a routine now for such occurrences. I move towards my physical form and tug on an ear that should be pierced at the same time and thusly, slip back into my body.

At first I have the sense of being on the inside, moving outwards.

Finally I wake.

Like spring buds opening to take in the warmth of the sun I slowly unfurl my self within myself. Soul within shell. Spreading outwards until reaching finger tip and pinkie toes.

Then at last, I can roll over onto my back. I concentrate on my breath. I attempt to ground and center. I really have to pee.

My dog rubs up against the side of the bed, greeting me, getting in the way as I reach for clothing and then head for the bathroom.

I kiss my man good morning and sit at my desk, staring blankly at the computer screen before me. Now I perceive myself from the outside, looking in.

It will take some time to fully shake the cobwebs away.

Living a life with many states of consciousness can be irritating and confusing at times.

Sometimes, you just wanna wake up and go pee.