Walking the Hedge » ethics

Skinny Girl

Juniper — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:25:29 +0000

I used to be skinny. Downright thin as a rail. NO, I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, though I was constantly accused of such. Being thin just runs in my family. I had a women’s body and a teenage boy’s metabolism. It slowed down, thankfully in my midtwenties.

This is how Nature made me

But from my early teens to my mid-twenties (and sometimes still) I was bullied, abused and attacked for being thin. Surprised? I bet you are. Skinny women are perfect and everyone loves them, we are so attractive right? Well, that what everyone thought. Which is why they were cruel to me.

I’ve had girlfriends be so angry that I fit a size two dress that they stormed out of the store and refused to speak to me ever again.

I’ve had co-workers follow me to the bathroom to see if I purged my lunch,

I’ve had snide remarks and insults thrown my way for ordering a full meal in front of another woman picking at a salad.

I’ve been told that I am not a real women, because real women have curves.

I’ve had women ask me (in front of a whole party) if I had to wear little girl’s training bras.

I’ve had other women throw food at me, because I needed to stop starving myself.

I’ve had men tell me that they wished I had bigger boobs.

In high school and my early adult hood it got so bad that I would come home and cut myself.

But I wasn’t allowed to have body image issues. As a pretty girl with thick curly hair and a skinny body, I was supposed to be perfect and happy. Therefore I had no right to express unhappiness with my body or they way people treated me for having it.

I had no right to complain that it’s hard to find shirts that aren’t too big in the chest.

I had no right to complain that it was hard to find pants that fit, because surely everything is made to fit a size 2-4? (no, it’s not, clothes are meant to fit 6 foot tall skinny girls with boob jobs)

I had no right to complain about being cold or tired.

I had no right to complain about the aches and pains of sleeping on my bones from lack of body fat.

But it’s totally okay for you to single me out and make an example of me.

It’s okay for you to talk, in front of me, about how disgusting skinny girls are.

It’s okay for you make comments about my eating habits.

It’s okay for you to point out how weak I am from not having enough meat on my bones.

It’s okay to lift up my shirt and loudly count my ribs in front of everyone.

And it’s totally okay to pass around images like this one:

Images that say there is something wrong with me. That I am some kind of monstrous freak.

That I am “ewwwww”

This image says that I am ugly, horrible, wrong and not beautiful or sexy. It says that I do not deserve respect or basic human decency.

This image says nothing about how all women are beautiful. It says a certain kind of woman ought to be considered more beautiful than others.

You are swinging the pendulum too far.

You shouldn’t attack skinny girls to build up the non-skinny girls. You don’t need to attack me and make me feel disgusting to make yourself feel good.

Every time you tell a chubby girl that skinny girls are gross, are you thinking about the message you are passing on to the skinny girl who heard you say that?

Stop this shit. Passing around images like this is not funny and it doesn’t fix or help a thing.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

And don’t you ever attack or insult skinny girls in front of me because I will tear you to fucking pieces.

I am the 99%

Juniper — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 18:03:48 +0000

I was born into a working class family in one of the best countries on the world. We struggled mightily after the divorce; Mom went back to school while cleaning rich people’s houses. The government didn’t consider making dead beat Dads pay a reasonable amount of child support on time to be a priority. Sometimes Christmas dinner came from the food bank. We lived in a ramshackle house heated with a wood stove and a kitchen sink that drained into a bucket.

I was teased and bullied by the well-to-do kids at school for having thrift store clothes and plain or subsidized lunches, because that is what they were taught by their parents.

I tried my very best at school and did well in some subjects but failed utterly in others. I was told this was because I was a bad and lazy child. It turns out that I had learning disabilities that should have been receiving treatment and help so that I could succeed. Because my mother was often working two jobs to keep a roof over our heads she could not badger the school and be an advocate for me. The schools refused to accommodate the schedule of a working single mother.

Getting subsidized day care was a humiliating nightmare for my mother; instead she would have college students as boarders for child care. She became a second mother to these bright young women.

My family struggled to pay for me to go to trade school and become a hairdresser. The government refused to give us a student loan because on paper we seemed to have enough money. What they did not know is that my father refused to help pay, as did my step father. My mother worked 14 hour night shifts at a construction site on a broken foot for my schooling.

At hairdressing school I was bullied and teased by the well-to-do students who were there because daddy was making them go to school for their own good, not because they need a job, and beauty school seemed like fun.

I worked 40+ hours a week as a hairdresser, tending to rich and spoiled women. I would be expected to skip lunch to tend to customers who would sit in my chair and complain about having their BMW detailed. I was treated like little more than scum put on this earth to serve middle class and wealthy housewives. I was not a human being in their eyes. I was to be grateful when they tipped me 50 cents.

After several anxiety attacks and discovering that I was developing health issues from the chemicals at the salon I had to walk away from my career. There was no option to go back to school to learn something new without going deeply into debt and being hopped up on Ritalin the whole time.

I have worked for years now at a variety of jobs, many of which involve selling environmentally friendly products to the middle and upper classes. They care nothing about my eco-friendly sales pitch, they only want a status symbol and being green is expensive and cool.

I have worked in animal rescue and the pet industry. Well to do women arrive at the kennel seeking a status symbol. I have refused to give dogs to people whose main concern is that the dog matches their couch, or will look good in their SUV, or will make their friends jealous. I was not treated like a human being, but merely a hick farmer who should give them a discount on their new “toy”.

I have lived on or near farms that grow the food you eat. I have been treated like the lowest filth on the earth for being a farmer.

I am slowly and painfully going back to school (while working) to get the education to match my work experience. I am trying my best to do this without going into debt.

I have been treated like a lower life form by the well educated and the wealthy all my life.

I am 31 years of age. I have been a hard working member of society since I was 19. I have NO DEBT, no criminal record, I volunteer, I am eco-friendly, and I am a part of my spiritual community. I vote and I pay my taxes. Despite my disadvantages I am a contributing member of society, doing what is expected of me.

I am a proud Canadian. I have seen the ghettos of the USA, I am grateful for my socialized health care and excellent public transit etc.

I am NOT grateful for a culture that places Arrogance over Industriousness. Compliance over Courage. Ignorance over Truth. Appearances over Honour. Individualism over Loyalty. Indulgence over Disciple. Libertarianism over Hospitality. Wealth over Self Reliance. Privilege over Perseverance.

The wealthy elite, this cooperate culture and the banks should not come before the people.

I am the 99% and I will not sit down and shut up.

My Beloved Fellow Pagans & Witches

Juniper — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 17:16:58 +0000

Hi guys, its Juniper.

Look guys, I have some serious shit going on in my life right now.

Bren left me in the soul crushing, self esteem destroying way. He tried to be a nice guy about it, because he’s a good man. But it doesn’t change the whole broken heart thing.

I had a grandparent die recently.

The place Bren and I were living in before he left is too much $$$ for me to manage on my own. Not if I want any money for savings etc. I have been working harder and longer and trying to pick up odd jobs to cover everything.

I had no bed to sleep on. I’ve had to accept charity from friends, which is hard. I finally was able to pick up a bed second hand.

I have had to find a room mate, find a new place and now I am packing and moving. I have two whole weeks to pack and move.

I have had some of the dearest friends I have ever had move away.

I busted someone for plagiarism who is now trying to threaten me into silence to save her own ass.

I go onto the websites and such for the podcast and the Hedge etc and the stats feature tells me what people Google search to find their way to the websites. The most common search term in the last month or two has been “Juniper and Brendan Myers break up” Do you have nay idea how THAT feels? To know that you guys are digging around online looking for dirt on my broken heart?

This is the tip of the iceburg guys.

I need time and I need space. I need breathing room.

I am sad that I might be loosing some of your guy’s attention by not putting out an episode of the podcast, by not writing for No Unsacred Place as often, by not attending to the Hedge and my blog as much as I used to.

But it’s what I need to do right now.

I understand that MOST of you are understanding and totally get what I am saying. You care and are concerned. You’re happy to let me get my life sorted and to wait.

But some of you are being assholes. You write emails etc to me, giving me shit for not putting out an episode yet, guilt trip me for not writing on my blog more, get annoyed if I take a while to respond to emails. I am asking those people to please stop. You don’t own me. And I am not a celebrity. I am just a messy little Hedgewitch who right now, cries herself to sleep most nights.

Please, let me have a little breathing room. Or go find some other “Pagan Leader” you can throw tomatoes at.

Thank you,

Juniper

You Said It, Marcus

Juniper — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 16:42:07 +0000

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

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Afraid and Ashamed, but not Surprised

Juniper — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:08:42 +0000

I am sure this will make many people angry, but there are people whom I hold dear south of the border. I feel the need to say something:

I invite my American counter parts to come visit other Western countries, to see that there are ways to practice and encourage religious tolerance and multi-culturalism than other than your own. The American style of conflict resolution is often filled with hate, fear and anger; reactionary and aggressive.

When I lived and travelled in the USA I was constantly amazing by the level of violence that is taken for granted within your culture. It permeates everything, even ordinary everyday language. An electric drill was called a screw gun. One does not refill a drink, they reload it.

Seeing my fellow Witches, Pagans and Heathens calling for an eye for an eye makes me sick. It fills me with shame.

Many of the words I read and hear being used by Americans within my religious body these past few days would be considered hate speech in Canada. It sounds no different to my ears than “God hates fags” or “Paganism must be eradicated” or “All Muslims are terrorists”.

As I watch the news and read and hear the words of my friends down south, I begin to wonder if I ought to move to a place much further away from the US border. Something tells me you guys are going to tear your great nation apart within my life time.

For pity’s sake, pull your heads out of your asses, before what you start grows out of control. Before what you do and say cascades and builds into an avalanche that will hurt us all … even us who are blessed enough not to share a landscape with those hate mongering Tea Baggers and their ilk. Please, I beg of you: Do not stoop to their level. You are better than they are.

This kind of anger and hate is like a wildfire, like a disease. It will spread and grow and mutate and destroy all that it touches. How can you not see this? I beg you: Do not allow your hurt, pain and anger to blind you. Do not buy into the culture of fear and hate, build a strong willed and free counter culture of peace. Be the bigger man here.

Your words and action will have repercussions for generations to come. What legacy do you wish to leave? THINK!

Here I am, upon my knees. I beg of you. Please stop this madness.

I bind you, my co-religioners … from doing harm to yourselves and others.

You should be intelligent enough to know this:

Wildcrafting

Juniper — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 17:56:20 +0000