Flavour of the Month: Secrets!
One of the big topics going around Witch-y blogs this month is secrecy and how much you share.
I come across as much more Pagan-ish on my blog … because a lot of the Witch-y stuff just doesn’t get mentioned **at all** As if it does not exist. Which is tough when I’m accused of not being a Witch, because of the Pagan stuff being the most prominent. It’s easy to take the bait and get upset by that. But if certain spirits and certain practices can’t be talked about on a blog, well then that’s the price I pay!
I have a hard time with keeping quiet and keeping secrets. I’ve had a good talking to from my Hedge gals (and certain spirits and such) over that. I have no guile. It doesn’t come naturally.
I WANT to share, for a lot of reasons. One main reason is because I am BAD at not sharing. Damn my glass face, open personality and tendency to trust everyone. Another reason is loneliness and feeling isolated. Another reason is the need to serve and be useful and helpful.
Another reason (one of the main reasons why I started this blog in the… Continue reading
Should Not Have Done That
Okay so, last week, I broke down and installed the plug-in for wordpress that tells you how many people read your blog, how many hits a blog post gets each day, what search words make people find you and so forth.
This was a mistake.
I am now having a fucking anxiety attack. HUNDREDS of people read my blog everyday!!!! Can’t breathe! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
I am seriously considering un-installing the bloody thing. Cause I totally should not have done that. It was stupid. Now I’m scared and paranoid. And I don’t understand. WHY ME? I’m NOT special!! GAH!
Okay. Okay. I can totally do this. It’s going to be alright.
*whimpers*
Soooo … uh, yeah. Heh. Hi there … everyone. How are you?
*scuffles feet*
Uhhh… yeah. *cough*
Now I’m afraid to write stuff.
*hides*
Unworthy of Love
All I ever wanted was to be loved
As a child I would lay on my bed
Press my back against the wall
And pretend there was someone spooning me
Holding me
Why am I so unworthy of love?
What crimes have I committed?
What have I done or not done?
I am loyal to the bone
I’m not smelly or ugly
I can cook
I am fun
But no one wants me
What’s wrong with me?
Why am I so unworthy of love?
I give my heart fully, utterly
And it gets handed back to me
Like some unwanted piece of trash
I see other women who are not as nice
Not as smart
Not as pretty
Not as kind
And they have love
Husbands
Why not me?
What’s wrong with me?
Why doesn’t anyone love me?
I’d do anything for love
Move across country
Give you everything
So long as I can still be me
But they don’t want me
They send me packing
What’s wrong with me?
Why am I so unworthy of love?
Why can’t I wake up knowing
That the man in my bed isn’t going?
I have asked the gods for love
Time and… Continue reading
To Be Alone and Useless
One of the biggest parts of my Path and practice has been that of a solitary. By that I don’t mean not being a member of a coven. I mean isolation and loneliness. Feeling cut off or different from everyone else. Not having someone with shared and similar experiences to talk to, let alone practice with.
I do have a few friends here in Ottawa (and other places) who have done some Hedgecrossing. But they have only begun to walk those roads, or have crossed only a handful of times. I have yet to meet another spirit worker, ancestor worshipper, Hedgewalker … like me. I know that they are out there. I see them on documentaries about shamans, I read their books, I read their blogs, and I listen to their podcasts. But face to face conversation, no.
Certainly I’ve met plenty of people who seem to think they know what they are doing. Or who do Hedgecrossing and spirit work. But their Path is still very different. No Tricksters, no dealing with the Dead. Their version of the Stag God is one of grapes and fun and sex. Not raw rutting danger, running blood and rotting flesh.… Continue reading
Beltaine 2011
My ritual group is meeting for Beltaine on Wednesday but for the actual day of I was lucky enough to have the day off. Yay! So I slept in and took care of the pets, hopped in the shower and all that good stuff. Then I headed off to Lissa’s place, passing by garage sales on my way. I am proud to say I bought nothing at said garage sales. Lis and I picked up some subs (for picnic purposes) and headed off to the arboretum park here in Ottawa (arboretum park = tree park).
We wandered aimlessly around the park, reading the plaques that told us which tree was what, and trying our best to guess correctly what we were looking at.
The English oaks are always impressive, its easy to stand under one such and imagine why the Druids like to practice in groves of them.
I adore the kind of trees who droop and thus, once they are big enough, create a kind of shelter out of their own limbs. Especially the evergreens.
A wind storm had come through Ottawa a couple of days before and so there were branches laying about the park.… Continue reading
To Fly By Night
Hoofprints in the Wildwood
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