Walking the Hedge » A Sense of Humor

Wordless Wednesday: Microwave Collateral Damage

Juniper — Wed, 02 May 2012 03:58:19 +0000

Quick Update

Juniper — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 03:36:06 +0000

The experiment was a success. The ritual took only about 2 hours, which is good for a first foray with a new ointment. It was defiantly easier to slip through the little door inside myself. Once there, my familiars were all like “Well, that worked. Good job. Now fuck off.”

I feel funny. Light headed. Pupils not dilated but seeing tracers. Very thirsty. Bad taste in my mouth. Lips are numb. I smell like a dead duck. Difficult to form proper words (ok, not that difficult).

Big bonus is having a friend to lovingly wash grease off your back for you. Tip: use dish soap.

Difficult to type coherently, yay for spell check. Fully expect my journey to continue in my sleep. Weird dreams tonight. Texting the cute boy right now is probably a bad idea. Doing it anyway.

Good night.

Lupercalia

Juniper — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 06:36:33 +0000

“Happy Lupercalia!” I said to my roommate Grey once she had gotten home from work and settled in for the evening.

“What’s Lupercalia?” she asked.

“Far superior to Valentine’s Day” I replied, then grinned with delight as she read the Wikipedia entry.

“Too bad we don’t have any goat skin to wear and run around in.” said Grey.

“I have goat skin.”

“That’s right … you DO have goat skin.”

And so the plotting began. There was much giggling in our house that night. It’s all about celebrating how awesome life is, after all.

The next night we saw a man about harp and visited someone dear for Valentine’s Day. On the drive back home, we declared ourselves to be on a Valentine’s Day/Lupercalia quest.

One Witch said to the other: “Don’t worry, no matter what happens, we have a harp in the trunk.”

On the last day of Lupercalia, we headed into the countryside.

Grey and I put on our newly made goat skin garters, winter boots and warm cloaks (and not much else). We trucked along down the path towards the forest and once out of sight of any neighbours, we gave the boys our cloaks to carry. Then, giggling like lunatics, Grey and I processed down the snow covered “yellow brick” road. Shaking rattles and shouting blessing at the land. An attempt was made to sing “Hoof and Horn” but running about in the snow whilst naked takes your breath away. We also couldn’t stop laughing long enough to sing properly.

We picked a birch tree we liked and stooped there. While the boys watched and smoked cigarettes, I stood a large and dark phallus in the snow. Grey and I surrounded it with the stems of tulips, lilies and daffodils, as well as the blossoms of pure white carnations. We announced the coming of spring and declared the land to be blessed. Sacred smoke was burned to entice Faunus to come along and play, bringing spring time with Him.

We turned about and holding hands, Grey and I skipped back down the road. Crash the dog followed along, far too busy finding good smells to care what we were up to. Once we reached the end of the trees that hid us from the neighbours, we waited for the boys to catch up and give us our cloaks.

Back in the house and warmed by a good fire and real clothes, I asked permission to burn the sacred cakes in the fire. If a man builds you a fire, you ought to respect him enough to ask before you start tossing stuff into it.

We settled in for the night to watch movies, drink wine and make merry. All acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals, right?

I hope you had a good Lupercalia, folks!

More Weird Dreams

Juniper — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:34:59 +0000

Last night I dreamed of the second coming of Christ.

Only he wound up in the body of an autistic teen age boy. His family kept him locked in a room in their farm house and was trying to pass off his older (and handsome and Neurotypical) brother as the messiah. In the dream I am a friend of the family and I was trying to free Christ from his “prison” but failing at it. During a visit, he gave me some house plants to tend for him.

This was all happening somewhere in northern British Columbia.

Oh, and the people he was sent to save? A race of sentient Muppets who were being forced into secret slavery by the entertainment industry. So, I snuck into Universal Studios (which for some reason was in BC) and helped Elmo (of sesame street) escape. He became the new Christ’s prophet.

I have a very odd subconscious.

My Back

Juniper — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:15:46 +0000

I hurt my back on Friday night, falling on the ice. Wrenched it trying to save myself. I’ve spent all weekend in rather a lot of pain and have gotten next to nothing done. Last night I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep because of my back.

I finally drifted off to sleep and dreamed of a tree. In my hand was a set of instructions from the tree. I can read in my dreams (though it has taken years of practice, as a child I could not) but it can be difficult to focus. Yes, the ADHD girl even has a hard time focusing in her dreams. *sigh*

Painstakingly I followed the tree’s directions. Water on the this root, clear debris from there, push in that piece of bark, remove that dead stick. I got all the way through the list … and nothing happened. Except I woke up.

And my back wasn’t hurting anymore. Yay!

Also; weird.

Requested RePost: How to Not Fit In

Juniper — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:10:28 +0000

Wear socks that don’t match

Especially on Tuesday and Friday

And always with shorts

Wear a wrinkled pink blouse

With a bright red skirt

Red and pink are in the same family

Aren’t they?

Don’t get subtle hints

Be confused by mixed messages

And laugh at inappropriate jokes

Always say what you mean

And mean what you say

Because no one else does it that way

Take everyone at face value

Be open and honest

In everything you do

Having no hidden meaning behind your words

No hidden agenda behind your actions

Is sure to frighten and confuse

Be loud and boisterous in public

Quiet and reserved at home

Have moods that are affected by the weather

Remember to be daring and bold

Always act as if you’ll never grow old

Wave with both hands

Bounce into rooms

Offer everyone a hug

And feel bad when they refuse

Dance when you are happy

And wilt when you are sad

When there is a job to do

Be the first to volunteer

Once people start to gossip

That you’re trying to take charge

Don’t volunteer the next time

And they will complain about that too

Be friendly to everyone

Regardless of this or that

Refuse to take sides in disputes

At least, most of the time

See both sides of a debate

Try to get other people to do that too

It helps if you’re cute

Be more comfortable around pets than kids

Wear pyjamas all day

Don’t go to bed until 2

Read lots of books

Watch too much Star Trek

Be sure to listen to Punk Rock too

Walk widdershins in a Wiccan Circle

Forget which way is East

Write whole Invocations

And don’t remember a word of them

When asked to bring a broom

Show up with a robotic vacuum

Speak your mind all the time

And as for peer pressure

Never give in

No matter they may say

Or how they treat you

Always love yourself first

And promise you’ll never change you!