Skinny Girl
I used to be skinny. Downright thin as a rail. NO, I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, though I was constantly accused of such. Being thin just runs in my family. I had a women’s body and a teenage boy’s metabolism. It slowed down, thankfully in my midtwenties.
This is how Nature made me
But from my early teens to my mid-twenties (and sometimes still) I was bullied, abused and attacked for being thin. Surprised? I bet you are. Skinny women are perfect and everyone loves them, we are so attractive right? Well, that what everyone thought. Which is why they were cruel to me.
I’ve had girlfriends be so angry that I fit a size two dress that they stormed out of the store and refused to speak to me ever again.
I’ve had co-workers follow me to the bathroom to see if I purged my lunch,
I’ve had snide remarks and insults thrown my way for ordering a full meal in front of another woman picking at a salad.
I’ve been told that I am not a real women, because real women have curves.
I’ve had women ask me (in front of a whole party) if I had to wear little girl’s training bras.
I’ve had other women throw food at me, because I needed to stop starving myself.
I’ve had men tell me that they wished I had bigger boobs.
In high school and my early adult hood it got so bad that I would come home and cut myself.
But I wasn’t allowed to have body image issues. As a pretty girl with thick curly hair and a skinny body, I was supposed to be perfect and happy. Therefore I had no right to express unhappiness with my body or they way people treated me for having it.
I had no right to complain that it’s hard to find shirts that aren’t too big in the chest.
I had no right to complain that it was hard to find pants that fit, because surely everything is made to fit a size 2-4? (no, it’s not, clothes are meant to fit 6 foot tall skinny girls with boob jobs)
I had no right to complain about being cold or tired.
I had no right to complain about the aches and pains of sleeping on my bones from lack of body fat.
But it’s totally okay for you to single me out and make an example of me.
It’s okay for you to talk, in front of me, about how disgusting skinny girls are.
It’s okay for you make comments about my eating habits.
It’s okay for you to point out how weak I am from not having enough meat on my bones.
It’s okay to lift up my shirt and loudly count my ribs in front of everyone.
And it’s totally okay to pass around images like this one:
Images that say there is something wrong with me. That I am some kind of monstrous freak.
That I am “ewwwww”
This image says that I am ugly, horrible, wrong and not beautiful or sexy. It says that I do not deserve respect or basic human decency.
This image says nothing about how all women are beautiful. It says a certain kind of woman ought to be considered more beautiful than others.
You are swinging the pendulum too far.
You shouldn’t attack skinny girls to build up the non-skinny girls. You don’t need to attack me and make me feel disgusting to make yourself feel good.
Every time you tell a chubby girl that skinny girls are gross, are you thinking about the message you are passing on to the skinny girl who heard you say that?
Stop this shit. Passing around images like this is not funny and it doesn’t fix or help a thing.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
And don’t you ever attack or insult skinny girls in front of me because I will tear you to fucking pieces.
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THIS. FUCKING THIS.
I am a 54kg, 5ft 3in woman who wears a UK size 8.
I am not allowed to complain that clothes don’t ever fucking fit me because I am skinny.
Clothes manufacturers assume that women my size must be 6ft supermodels, and so nothing ever fits me in the leg.
I can’t have body issues. I’m skinny, therefore I must surely be happy with my body. Never mind that I feel like a child around other women.
But what the hell? Women are supposedly pressured to look like me, and I am not a ‘real woman’ because I don’t have curves.
You are right…the pendulum DID swing too far. I, in fact, posted a picture similar to that in the preceding months. In my defense, however, I did mark as a caption that women who are that skinny natural are totally fine…that it’s the women who starve themselves to look like that who have the problem. I think that there is a strong message in images like that, but it is done all wrong. It can be misinterpreted too easily.
Take solace in the fact that you are not alone. I have yet to meet one woman who is happy with their body. You mentioned woman who are six feet tall with big boobs, well i knew one. A girl that i was very good friends with in highschool was six feet tall and had big boobs. She was incredibly insecure about her height, her body and her big boobs. She could never find pants that would fit, it always looked like she was “waiting for a flood”.
I’m not belittling your pain my love…i hear it, i validated it and i give you a big warm hug. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this horrible, model obsessed world. Even models, at that….are unhappy with themselves. The world is constantly telling us we need to be someone else.
I grew up in a Marilyn Monroe kind of body and was constantly told that i needed to lose a little weight by most people i knew, even my mother. Then as a women in her early thirties i ballooned up and faced even worse comments. Being screamed at in the street, being made fun of and called “fat” by adults while in school. Behind every woman is a horrible story. It’s tragic and unnecessary. The most that I can do for you is hope that you, at some point, see yourself as beautiful…the way the rest of us see you XO
I find photos of ultra-skinny models and tv/movie stars to be disgusting when they are not that size naturally and have to go to very unhealthy extremes to stay rail thin. Some feel their weight is the only control they have in their life and so they do develop an eating disorder. That’s what’s gross. How do we know that’s not how they are naturally? Because they used to look different. I would feel the same way if the beauty ideal tilted towards obese and women were spending their days sitting perfectly still and eating 10 or more Big Macs.
I get what you are saying. I do. Some are thoughtless when they are pushing back against the completely bullshit and increasingly destructive beauty ideal and hurt you. But many are commenting about the unattractiveness of women who force themselves down to such an unhealthy and unnatural for them weight through starvation and drugs.
Hmm. Thank you for sharing this differing opinion, I hadn’t heard it expressed before. People do say these things, true, because they’re trying to shame the girls who hurt themselves in order to fit that model. (Did we ever think about how shaming girls who are already ashamed of themselves doesn’t work?) But I hadn’t thought about how it might also hurt the girls who are naturally that way. I must confess myself unfamiliar with the behavior you describe. I remember being asked as a camp counselor to follow a girl who boasted of being bulimic into the bathroom, but that’s as close as I got… what you’re talking about sounds horrific. I’m sorry that anyone has to experience that.
THANK YOU for posting this. I have been most triggered by all the ridiculous body image posts on facebook of late. Its just another way that people feel better about themselves by putting others down. Size positivity means embracing all the ways we come. I am who I am and you are who you are….what’s so difficult about that? lol
I really appreciate you speaking up about this.
I am sorry.
I just want to echo the thank-yous from other skinny girls. It’s not ok that we’re treated poorly, and it’s not ok that we can’t speak up about it without being treated poorly. Bravo.
Thank you for posting this. I am another naturally skinny girl, and I can’t even begin to express how deeply the “real women have curves” and “skinny girls are disgusting and unattractive” comments have hurt me. Even after a lot of work, now, at close to thirty, I struggle with not feeling as if I am ‘real,’ adult woman because of how I look. Or that I could be considered attractive in a real, concrete way, by an actual other human being. (As opposed to being able to be seen as beautiful by ‘industry standards’. But I”m not going to find love with an amorphous concept like ‘beauty industry’ am I?)
I think the real winner for me was the suggestion that nobody would ever be attracted to skinny girls like me unless they were suppressing latent pedophilia, because we look like children. Do people think those things don’t hurt? Do they think they don’t affect how someone lives their lives? Because comments like that take a pretty big toll.
I love my sisters and think they’re beautiful — my curvy sisters, my thin sisters, my tall sisters, my short sisters. All beautiful. But we have got to stop tearing each other down and making one ideal trump all the rest, regardless of what that ideal is.
I wrote about this in my journal back in 2007. No one thinks about the harassment us skinny girls get!
)
http://aislinn-faolan.livejournal.com/10366.html
I am now 40 years old and no longer ultra-skinny but am still happy with myself
So glad you have pointed this out! People call me “skinny” all the time, I am not, I am petite, and considerably bigger than I was when I was younger (our metabolisms do change as we get older) and don’t seem to see that “be-littling” (pun intended) me because I am smaller than they are is just as much a put down as calling a plus-size woman “fat”. I buy my pants in the children’s section or I have to cut 6″ off the legs of the women’s size 4 pants. After menopause my boobs grew to 34 B and I now fit ladies’ small tops. Anything labeled “Petite” seems designed for little old ladies. But little people do cope with this, we just don’t need people saying constantly things like, “You can fit in the back, you have a skinny ass”!
I have seen what it is like to live both sides of the fence… like you I grew up a ‘scrawny’ kid (other people’s term NOT mine), I had no bust, I was lanky I could eat anything and everything in sight and not gain an inch…I didnt have a bust to speak of, you could see my ribs and my hips srtuck out…… As a young woman I hated it not because ‘I’ didnt like my body but because I was fed up of everyone accusing me of starving myself.. or bulimia or anorexia or drug use and yes I went through all the same things you did…..
Then 3 years ago I started putting on weight rapidly…I was ill, I had a rare adrenal tumor that could have killed me… and during the time it went undiagnosed I put on over 25 kg… I had to have surgery which could have killed me to remove the adrenal gland and to be honest it is a miracle I am still alive, I was nearly lost twice on the table………
I have lost some of the weight I put on (with a lot of hard work and effort I might add) but I am still classed as ‘overweight’… I continue to try and get to a ‘healthy’ weight because I appreciate how much more ‘I’ enjoy myself at a lower weight without feeling so heavy and because I want to live without added stress on my organs which have already been through enough.
Now Instead of all the accusations from being ‘too thin’ I now suffer the opposite end of the scale and Im called ‘fat’, told I need to lose weight, and now I have a bust that is a ‘D’ which I absoltutely hate (the weight on my shoulder when wearing a bra, the lack of clothing to fit my chest size etc) and I wonder how so many woman can be so cruel…
Is it because so many women (and men) have such low self esteem that they feel it is ok to belittle others, is it because our media says that woman have to look a certain way..or is it because WE allow others to dictate to us what is beautiful…
Id like to add that as a bisexual woman I find I am attracted to ladies of all sizes… big and beautiful curvy lushious women… or small slim petite ladies… it isnt how they look that attracts me… it is the attitude they present… I am attracted to a woman who walks proud in her body, who has an innate sensuality about her… a woman who personifies what it means to have a Goddess within…. Be proud of who YOU are, walk with pride in your body big or small, and stop belittling any woman for being exactly how the Goddess made her… perhaps if we can do this then our daughter and granddaughters will walk in a world where the Goddesses are manifest in each and every one of us!
Thank-you for posting this.
I do pass around images similar to what you have in your example – but I also pass around Dove images that every body has it’s own beauty.
Try being an almost 6′ tall ex-model. That’s me. I get physically assaulted every f*cking mall visit unless I am surrounded by friends. Please reread that. EVERY F*CKING MALL VISIT. By _women_. They just happen to step into my way just as I walk past, or swing their purse so it hits me, or an elbow comes out of nowhere, or a heel on my toe, or food “accidentally” spills on me, … every time I enter a mall. Even now, when my modelling days are LONG gone.
You are not quite correct about clothes. They are designed for the size of the store mannequins you see in the displays. Few are for over 6’7″. It was very difficult for me to find long-sleeved shirts and pants that fit, for years. Now it is becoming better.
Stress makes me lose weight. I have had most people in my life tell me I am ugly for being so thin. Yet men treat me like I am the flavour of the month, the latest trophy to be won, the bimbo/puppet who should follow the invisible script that has me worshipping the Ahole and following his every whim and I’m supposed to have no will of my own.
Yes, I agree that there is hatred for anyone who physically is thin, for whatever reason.
If you are fat, yet (otherwise) healthy, I’ll trade bodies with you. Right now. You don’t want what makes me “naturally” thin. No one does. I would not wish this chronic pain on anyone I cared about.
How about this: there are no gross women, there are no unattractive women.
Cause something tells me that calling those girls “gross” isn’t going to make them stop taking diet pills.
THANK YOU!
Growing up my friends always poked me, picked me up, gave me food and made comments about me being skinny. It got so bad I lived in hoodies and baggy pants. The few times I would wear clothes that actually fit to school I was poked and pinched and picked up… and you are right you are not allowed to complain, and no allowed to have body issues, and you become to scapegoat for everyone else’s body issues. Thank you for voicing something that is still hard to me to talk about!
<3
I am a 53 year old woman who has struggled to ‘fit’ her entire life. I do not fit what anyone ever has thought I should be, I quit fighting it years ago after I starved myself to get to a size 14 and wrecked my metabolism in the process. And yes that can happen. I ended up with food allergies and the absolute inability to eat a normal healthy diet and not gain weight. I now weigh above my original weight when I went on the diet. I blogged very recently about the issue. I would like to say to you, you are beautiful, a goddess. A goddess is a woman secure in who she is enough to be herself in the face of judgment, ridicule and censure. Women of all weights, all ages, all ethnic backgrounds need to arise and make this madness stop. The most contentment I ever knew is that I have now, but oh my what a hard fought battle. My sisters have taught me, and we need to keep teaching. It is ok to be who you are. See that period? There are no qualifiers. It is ok to be who you are. It is ok to be who I am. Make this your mantra, your battle cry. It is ok to be who I am.
I get angry every time I hear someone relay experiences like this, regardless of race, gender, sexuality or body shape. The idea that there are people who think it’s okay to treat anyone like this is appalling.
I have a family member who is in an ongoing (it turns out you never fully recover) battle with an eating disorder, and that was harrowing for everyone involved, so I can completely understand people who care about you being worried and not knowing how to broach the subject, but co-workers? Your health is none of their business, and that is just bloody rude.
Since I became aware of the Body Positive movement, I’ve been more careful with what I say and allow myself to be party to. I know skinny-shaming was a thing, but thought it was limited to certain areas of the internet and cliques of people with nothing more worthwhile to talk about. I had no idea it was so widespread, and I’ll watch out for it and confront the bullies in the future.
Also:
What the actual fuck? This happened?
Please tell me that this was as banter between friends who didn’t know how much it bothered you, or at least that there was blood shortly after. I mean, who thinks that is even remotely appropriate?
Fuck damn.
Thank you for this. I’ve been skinny my whole life, still am. Both of my parents were. My sister is. I’ve been accused of being anorexic by such esteemed folk as my high school guidance counsellor, who called me down to his office once because he was concerned I wouldn’t be up to doing all the walking involved in a school trip to New York. My mom gave him hell and would not let him forget it. It’s still hard to find pants that make it look like I have a butt (skirts would have done a better job, but a skin condition ensured my confidence was never high enough in high school to show much skin). I had to fight damn hard to feel good about my body — through exactly the kind of stuff you talk about. Not enough people realize (or care) about what they’re saying to that skinny girl.
been there… before the lauren was born, i had to shop at the kids stores at the mall, and was horribly picked on my whole childhood. As a little kid, i didnt make it to the height weight chart for my age— have always been a small person. Fortunately, i can buy grown up clothes now (0/2 but still dont have to wear underoos
)
people are really mean to anyone who looks different– my best friend since we were young is really tall, and she was constantly picked on for being a Amazon, etc. We related really well, since neither of us could find clothes that fit right.
I think the “Beauty at any size” movement should remember that the short and thin as well as the tall and heavy are all just as beautiful.
These pictures on Facebook have been really making me and some of my smaller friends mad! Just because you are the average size (14 US– 5’4″ 140- 160) or above, it doesn’t give you license to berate us. Also, health is based on what you eat and how much your exercise– not on height and weight. That is more genetis than anything.
Good words, sister. Guys have to put up with similar shit, believe it or not. In my 20s a buddy and I considered starting a ‘fat-haters club’ in defense of all the flak we caught on a regular basis for being helplessly stick-like. We voted against such a reactionary move and I simply became more vocal whenever berated openly, loudly, and rudely by men OR women. “Yes, I am skinny. Despite my best efforts, I do not gain weight. I used to make myself sick trying to put some insulation on my frame — to no end but feeling like shit and emptying my wallet. You say I look good in a swim suit? Look closer. If I’ve been in the water longer than 5 minutes, my lips are blue and I’m shivering. Ever had hypothermia? I have to combat the threat of it FIVE months out of the year, motherfucker. Not just in the water. Yes, it’s a real threat.”
Thanks for opening more minds~
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Well said, Juni.
No idea if anyone is interested, but I ended up writing a post partially about (and inspired) by this.
http://aheathenspath.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/of-beauty/
I do feel for you. I know naturally skinny people who have gone through similar things. BUT passing around images like this is a good thing. Pick up a magazine go to a movie you as a skinny girl are championed everyday for being skinny. What do the big girls have??? Nothing we get Melissa McCarthy pooping into a sink. Let us have this let us remember that once curves were considered sexy and we were the ingenue and skinny ladies were the wicked witches or the wacky neighbors.
This particular image isn’t even offensive it’s not calling the girls in the top row unhealthy or ugly it’s just pointing out that once the girls on the bottom were considered sexy. So I say get over it. The media is on your side not mine and until I stop seeing pages and pages of skinny photo shopped models selling me weight loss drugs that damage my kidneys I will continue to pass these types of images around. And the next time someone bugs you for being skinny tell them to F*ck Off.
So you actually do believe that two wrongs make a right? Wow.
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While I do not believe that 2 wrongs make a right I do believe that it is basic human nature to envy what we aren’t. I.E the women who are ‘chubby’ like myself envy women who have the ‘metabolism of a teenage boy’ and wish for all the world we had it. Because we fight and struggle and lifestyle change and *Shudder* diet. All in the name of trying to be more socially accepted. And no matter how free spirited, how wild and free, how strong willed you are (And I am, just ask my poor beleaguered husband) human beings are social creatures who NEED social interaction and NEED to be accepted into some aspect of society in order to be mentally healthy. The media and society at large does champion the Skinny Girl. They tell us that The Skinny Girl is healthier, prettier, more successful, has better opportunities, will live longer. They tell us that the Skinny Girl is more popular, is more accepted, is happier. Obese people are ostracized, ridiculed, humiliated and told they will get all these diseases. They are told they are lazy, they are going nowhere in life. They are told they should be like The Skinny Girl.
Now this doesn’t make any of the hurdles The Skinny Girl faces right but it does make them understandable. As the Skinny Girl it is up to you to meet those hurdles with grace. It is up to you to keep your cool and explain that your metabolism is higher than normal. It is up to the Skinny Girl to be PATIENT. As hard as that is. Because the more you get angry with those who lash out the more alone you’re going to be and the harder its going to be on you. I have a unique perspective. I have been both the Skinny Girl. And the Fat Girl. Right now I’m the Fat Girl. And it sucks. And I’ll be honest. I kinda hate the Skinny Girls. And I understand why other women lash out at the Skinny Girl. Its human nature to lash out at what we A: do not understand and B: Envy.
Sorry if this pisses you off.
It doesn’t piss me off. It HURTS, it’s damaging, it tears people up. But I guess that’s just fine and perfectly justified? Don’t post on my blog again.
Thank you for posting this. I read a lot of feminist blogs and I often feel excluded and derided whenever fat-positive posts are made that tell me that I can never have been discriminated against or mistreated, & that I can never feel bad about my body because I am skinny. I fully support the aims of body-positive feminism, but I don’t think it needs to happen at the expense of skinny women. It needs to include all body shapes. Nobody should be shamed in order to help someone else feel good about their body. And can we all just agree that there is way too much focus in our society on what women’s bodies look like, and that no matter what your body looks like, you’ve probably suffered shit for it?
I have experienced many of the things you describe (the harrassment, the name-calling, people touching you inappropriately, being screamed at and having food thrown at me). Society’s perception of my body shape ended up dramatically affecting my health when I was seriously ill. I was a teenager, naturally thin, and a vegetarian. The first doctor I went to put me on iron supplements without even testing my iron levels. I was not iron deficient. The second doctor I saw decided my nausea, fatigue and stomach complaints were imaginary, and that really I was anorexic. He didn’t bother running any tests either. I actually had a very serious pancreatic disorder which could have killed me. Because I wasn’t diagnosed early, I’ve lost almost all the function in my pancreas and now have a lifelong chronic illness. These kinds of wacked perceptions about women’s bodies are not just emotionally damaging, they’re frickin’ dangerous.
Thank you for this post, I think people forget to consider what it’s like for others. I didn’t see anything wrong with this picture floating around on facebook until I read your post. I think it was trying, obviously unsuccessfully, to remind women to have a healthy body image. Unfortunately, they went about it the wrong way. The media is always trying to pit us women against each other. Skinny, Middle of the Road, or Big Girls we need to worry about being healthy, what ever that means for us. We are meant to be different, I’ll never be supermodel skinny or have long legs. LOL I’m just not built that way, I’m meant to have short legs and be on the stockier side. We women need to learn how to be happy about that and not tear others down to feel better about ourselves.
Oh and I also want to say that it’s nice to meet another Juniper. LOL