Walking the Hedge

This last Friday myself and Lady N were in charge of leading the Lughnasadh ritual for our Hedge Group. Lady N is newer to the Path (and thus doesn’t have mountains of ritual tools) and I am a terrible pack rat, who also just happened to be in possession of the Hedge’s Ritual Toolbox (or box o’ ritual tools and candles and stuff). Therefore, I found myself spending much of the afternoon beforehand going through the Ritual Toolbox, my own collections of items, making a list and checking it twice.

One item was nearly forgotten. This is the red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth I’ve had in storage for ages. Having been going through a phase these last couple of years I like to call my “The dirt is a great place for setting up my altar and to practice my rituals on because I am a hardcore Hedgewitch phase” my red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth has been sitting forlornly in storage for some time. I did remember it right before I left on Friday; as I figured this would be a good contribution to the groups’ Ritual Toolbox. I also felt kind of bad for neglecting the poor thing. So on my way out the door I pulled it, still folded, out of its place of storage and stuck it in the Ritual Toolbox.

After promising Brendan various sexual favours if he helped me get everything to the park without breaking, we arrived well before everyone else at the appointed place. I had planned to be there a good hour before the other members so that I could have everything set up and be all grounded and ready for their arrival. I talked Bren into hauling a large stone into the South to act as a hearthstone for my thurnble (thingy you burn stuff in) and then I decided the best thing to do was pull out the altar cloth and lay everything out on it so I could decide what will go where. This was also necessary as the Ritual Toolbox doubles as a Portable Altar, so you have to have everything carefully removed from the Ritual Toolbox and the lid closed before you can set up the Portable Altar.

So, I gently pried open the wicker top of the Ritual Toolbox that doubles as a Portable Altar and unfurled the red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth. Which was to my horror, covered in DOG HAIR and LINT!!! Oh, the humanity! This is no doubt due to having spent the last couple of years in storage at my mother’s house where she fosters rescue dogs. I can only blame ADD for the reason why it did not occur to me that a red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth that had been stored in such a way might be covered in lint and dog hair.

All the contents of my purse and bag were then unceremoniously dumped on to the grass as I flailed about hoping beyond hope that I might just maybe have a lint brush or even some duct tape amongst my belongings. But alas, I did not. I tried rubbing the cloth vigorously to remove the offending grey lint and dog hair but to no avail. I shook it out repeatedly as Bren watched on unsympathetic to my plight.

Alas, nothing was going to remove the copious amounts of lint and dog fur covering the red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth. Especially the lint, which mocked me most cruelly, it said “Ha ha! Fancy yourself capable of handling a Priestess’s duties do you? You fool! Everyone will see how incompetent you really are now!”

I could have simply not used the altar cloth at this point; I could have given it to Brendan to take home with him. But I refused to be defeated by lint and certainly not to sarcastic, mocking lint! “There’s no use for it” I said to Brendan, “I will have to arrange the tools in such a way as to cover the worst of the lint.”

Brendan is a wise man and kept his mouth shut, though he did raise an eyebrow.

So I cleverly placed the lint covered red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth upon the Ritual Toolbox that doubles as a Portable Altar in such a way that the least-linty area was positioned on the very top. Then I curled the ends under and tucked them against the Portable Altar to hide them.

After strategically arranging the ritual tools upon the lint covered red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth I then sprinkled dried herbs and flowers all over the damned thing to fill in the space and hide the offending lint. Luckily, the ritual called for large quantities of dried herbs, leaves and flowers and had I brought extra. Taller ritual tools were placed on the ground around the Portable Altar and leaning against it, which also helped to hide the evil lint of death.

With an amused Bren looking on I waved my fist at the Sun, demanding that it sink quickly so as to help hide the evil lint of death from sight.

Just then, I heard voices! The other members of the Hedge were arriving. Would they notice? Would they laugh at me? Mock my ability as a Priestess? Would they ban me forever from the group for daring to bring a lint covered red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth to ritual?

No!

My cunning ass-covering worked like a charm. Instead the ladies gathered around and actually admired the beauteous creation that was my altar set up. They said things like “You have raised the bar for all of us with this” and they weren’t making snide, sarcastic fun of me either. They meant it!

One of them was so impressed with how lovely and elegant my altar was she took pictures. If you would like to see these pictures you will have to go to the As Within Blog, make nice comments on said blog, and ask Lis politely to make a blog post with the pictures. If you do just enough ass-kissing maybe she might be swayed to do so.

Of course, the lint covered red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth wound up back in the Ritual Toolbox that doubles as a Portable Altar, which was then handed over to the next person to Priestess a ritual. I really should have snagged the lint covered red (probably real, but may not be) velvet altar cloth and took it home so no one would be the wiser. I can just see her getting home, planning the ritual, opening up the Ritual Toolbox that doubles as a Portable Altar and saying to herself “Why the fuck is this thing covered in lint and dog hair?!”

Forever hiding the flop sweat,

Juniper

Related posts:

1. The New Casting Cloth
2. The Mandatory Altar Photos
3. Why Isn’t Your Altar in the Garden?