Ramblings on Womanhood and Feminism Part Two
1) I often have to drag my large, heavy and awkward work gear onto the bus. Whenever the bus is being driven by a man, he “kneels” or lowers the bus to make it easier for me to board and disembark.
Female bus drivers never do this, not ever. Even if I ask them too the response is something along the lines of “Oh you’re fine” or “You’re a strong girl, you can do it” in a rather annoyed or even disgusted tone of voice.
2) Sometimes I drop my large, heavy and awkward work gear. Sometimes I wipe out on my bike. Sometimes I struggle to drag something like my work gear or my bike up steep staircases.
I never ask for help, but if another person is around they will usually respond to my “distress”.
Almost always a man or boy will stop to help me. Women however never help me and will tell me “You’re a strong girl, you can do it” if they acknowledge my presence at all. Actually often they are annoyed that I am taking up space on the sidewalk or taking too long to get up the stairs, I guess they are in a hurry eh?
And they say chivalry is dead.
Stuff like this makes me wonder if I am a bad feminist for wanting or accepting, assistance.
It also makes me wonder why women do not help each other more. Do we feel we have to prove that we are strong girls and can do it? Do we feel the need to force other women to prove they are strong girls too?
3) A fellow whose blog I read related a story of how a few days ago he was walking home from the store. Feeling quite happy and somewhat childlike that day, he hopped, skipped and danced most of his way home. He jumped over a planter or two, and even did a cartwheel.
This fellow is a large and muscular young man, who was wearing shorts and had taken his shirt off as the weather was warm.
After accidentally knocking over a planter that he had jumped over, he was stopped by the police who demanded to know what the hell he thought he was doing? His attempts at explaining that he was just having some fun were not enough for the police. He was handcuffed and driven home by the police who told him he needed to cool off, as his behaviour (skipping and jumping) was erratic and potentially dangerous.
I like to hop, skip and jump. I often hop onto park benches, jump over planters on the sidewalk and balance along the edge of retaining walls. I like to do cartwheels. I have accidentally knocked over planters. However, I would never be handcuffed and brought home by the police for such behaviour, for I am a small and cute young woman.
4) The other day I dragged my work gear onto the bus. I had a large and awkward slab of plastic (that unfolds into a table) and my wheel-about full of heavy objects. Along one side of the front of the bus were Moms and their children’s strollers.
Sitting in the courtesy or compassion seats on the other side of the front of the bus were two men. A young man and middle aged man. The courtesy seats are for disabled people, people with strollers and people with large and awkward objects. There are signs all over the place stating as such and telling more able bodied riders to give up these seats if need be. The rest of the bus was about half full.
It was obvious that getting past the strollers with my work gear was going to be very difficult. It was also obvious that I counted as someone who needed the courtesy seating.
I caught the eye of the young man, who was closest to me and asked him if I could please steal his seat? He looked away and pretended he could not hear me.
The middle aged man was looking right at me, so I asked him if I could please have his seat, as I am burdened with heavy objects and don’t want to bash the strollers by accident. He unfocused his eyes and looked right through me, saying nothing.
“Alright then” I said, “If you are going to pretend I don’t exist, I will just have to run over your feet!”
So I did, making sure to press down on their toes with my wheel-about and bashing their shins with it was well as I went past. The young man tried to pretend nothing was happening, perhaps concerned about being “cool”. The middle aged man looked quite shocked and tried to get his sandalled feet out the way … but failed. Neither said anything as I did my best to leave them with some nice bruises for the rest of the day.
Once past them I looked up and glared menacingly at the other passengers on the bus. One man quickly gave up his window seat to me and sat beside someone else. I thanked him kindly.
The men on the bus looked shocked and surprised and a little bit scared of me. I guess being a strong girl is a little bit frightening to some men still.
The women on the bus were all hiding smiles, a few even made eye contact and openly grinned at me. “You go girl!” their smiles said. I guess so long as I prove I’m a strong girl who can do it, I’ll be getting those smiles.
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3 Responses to Ramblings on Womanhood and Feminism Part Two
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I too sometimes wonder if i’m a bad feminist for accpeting this help from men who offer.
I know people who start bitching about male privelige if a man holds a door open for them.
I am a strong woman, and you know what? I just think they’re being nice.
You are an awesome feminist! We mustn’t forget that we are different from men & that’s just perfect. What I lack in physical strength I gain in intuition & insight. My husband & I complement each other; it would be awful if we were the same!
You’re not a bad feminist at all. Just someone who would like to see more people return to the time where common courtesy was actually common.
I recall an early morning when I was about 17. The bus was packed with high school and college aged guys who had their legs splayed out and were obstructing the walkway. (Back in the early 90′s when the guys wore the baggy pants and wanted to sit like rappers or something). I audibly said to my friend “If these guys don’t move their legs right now so I can get by, I’m canning each and every one of them!” (Not a difficult feat considering the way they were all sitting) They instantly all sat upright in their seats and moved their legs so we could walk down the aisle without tripping over them. The women on the bus smiled and giggled and the young guys all looked terrified. I guess it was clear that I meant what I had said. :^) Strong women may not be appreciated, but they are more likely to be heard in some cases.
I also echo your point about women not helping each other out. Why so competitive? When I was in elementary and junior high school, the boys were never the ones who were the problem when it came to bullying… it was the girls. They were mean, underhanded and deceitful. I recall the story of Reena Virk as an example. Unfortunately, that sort of trait is not usually outgrown and those women become the ones we all know in our communities, workplaces and elsewhere.