Walking the Hedge

I am asleep.

I am asleep and have delved into some deep abyss of dreaming far beyond the physical enclosure that is my body.

I dream and know I am dreaming. I glide through a realm of black and blue, soft and delicate as silk, sheer like fine muslin. I dance in the glory of the dreamscape.

Then, a gradual awareness begins to tug at me. I feel my body calling me back to awakening. The most simple and basic need driving me out of my sweet surrender to dreaming: the need to pee.

I float in a spiral pattern upwards and out of the dreamscape towards the light of the morning sun.

I awake and sit, then clamber out of bed, and reach for clothing left out the night before. I find I cannot put it on and I perceive everything is still soft and shrouded in the wrong kind of pale light.

I am still asleep, dreaming of being awake.

I decide to try again to wake.

Again I find myself dreaming of waking, this time stumbling to the bathroom naked. I realise the falseness of my wakefulness as I reach for the bathroom doorknob.

I decide to try again to wake.

I sit up in my bed, and now wary of dreaming of being awake, I quickly realise my still dreaming state.

I loose my patience and attempt to force my body to wake with a wrench and a twist.

I find myself rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. There is a different feel to this than dreaming, more real and physical. Yet, it is still not quite right. I rub my hands against the mattress, attempting to ascertain my level of consciousness. I can feel as well as any waking moment the mattress beneath my hands, the seam at its very edge.

The edges of my sight are slightly blurred, my body not as responsive as it should be. I can fully perceive the mattress and its seam though I know my head is not turned to view it. That is not quite right.

I pause for a moment of frustration.

Through experience, I know what to do. I force my self to look at my right upper arm. There I see no tattoo of black thorns adorning it. I reach for my ears and feel no hoops piercing them.

I know what this is.

I twist my astral body around on the bed and gaze at my physical body curled up, under the covers, her back to me. I cannot see it but I can feel the thin lifeline that ties us to each other.

I am not sure if an astral body can sigh in annoyance, but mine tries anyways.

I have a routine now for such occurrences. I move towards my physical form and tug on an ear that should be pierced at the same time and thusly, slip back into my body.

At first I have the sense of being on the inside, moving outwards.

Finally I wake.

Like spring buds opening to take in the warmth of the sun I slowly unfurl my self within myself. Soul within shell. Spreading outwards until reaching finger tip and pinkie toes.

Then at last, I can roll over onto my back. I concentrate on my breath. I attempt to ground and center. I really have to pee.

My dog rubs up against the side of the bed, greeting me, getting in the way as I reach for clothing and then head for the bathroom.

I kiss my man good morning and sit at my desk, staring blankly at the computer screen before me. Now I perceive myself from the outside, looking in.

It will take some time to fully shake the cobwebs away.

Living a life with many states of consciousness can be irritating and confusing at times.

Sometimes, you just wanna wake up and go pee.

Related posts:

1. To Tread Lightly
2. Dragged into Dream Walking
3. Unfamiliar Territory