This is the follow up and feedback from:
Feel free to share all the feedback I give! I am an open book This is super long, apologies.
1. As I said, the first note (about the poison path being utterly wrong) really startled me with its immediate accuracy. I had been going back and forth with the idea of buying some of Sarah Lawless’ Aves Ointment from the Poisoner’s Apothecary for ages, and a post on her Facebook about being low in stock made me decide to order it. But as soon as it arrived, I was TERRIFIED to even touch the container – it is currently in my room, still wrapped up in the packaging, because I don’t know what to do with it (do you want some Aves Ointment…?) The fear is completely inexplicable but makes me 100% certain that this isn’t the right way for me.
2. I’ve been part of a group for a long time now that teaches a mixture of traditional Wicca, new-agey Law of Attraction/manifestation type stuff and Native American spirituality. It was a good way to start off learning some of the basics – the basics you mentioned, like calling the corners, elemental work, crystals and spells, associations, and all that. I’ve stayed part of the group because of the lovely friendships I’ve made. But the sweetness-and-light attitude leaves me feeling bogged down and guilty. I am not a sweetness-and-light person. I am a bones and dirt and mess and smoke and blood person. It isn’t fair on the group nor on myself to be there. I have no real passion for the work they do. So everything you’ve said about lack of drive, about committing, about the trappings that don’t fit anymore, all of that came at the perfect time and verbalised things I already knew but hadn’t had the heart to face.
3. I do a lot of hands-on arty things, but I always neglect to make things for my spirits. I do tend to compare myself to others and put things off because of it – I’ve wanted to make a crow fetish for ages but let myself get intimidated by other people’s talents and the expectations I’ve placed on myself.
4. Fear is a big inhibitor of my practice. Fear of saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, being unworthy or unacceptable. It’s bollocks and it prevents me from doing the things I need to do. “Pick a line and commit” says it all really.
All in all, the reading was better than I could have hoped for in every way – not overly mystical, more like being bitch-slapped by a really good friend who knows me well and knows all the ways I tend to bullshit myself. Thank you so, so much.
Everything I said here still holds true – I have started the process of paring down what I do and the way I do it, what I use and what I say, and finding a way to smash more of myself into my practice. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be! But I can truly feel that it is what needs to be done. And I have been gifted with some important and very clear responses from my spirits since I’ve been doing so. Right now there is water and tequila on my altar for the ancestors and spirits, there is dirt on my feet, and there is a new crow fetish made and waiting to be consecrated and offered as a home. And all of these things have been helped along by the advice you gave me.